One of the hardest things for us to overcome is breaking free from who we think we are and becoming who we want to be.

What do you think of when I mention the term “Authentic Southern Cuisine”? Some of the things that come quickly to mind are Fried Chicken, Collard Greens, Corn Bread, etc.

If you are from somewhere else, substitute your local region and try the same exercise. You can likely think of a substantial list and quickly. You also attach some other memories to those items such as the specific smell and taste of the food as well and where and with whom you made those memories.

It is common to associate those memories as the tried and true meaning of authentic, however, if we evaluate that thought process closer we can agree that it isn’t that simple.

When we call something “authentic” we are referencing specific aspects of an experience that are not perceived the same by all people and also cannot be fully and completely replicated. Additionally, the people that authored those defining experiences for you, if it was perhaps your grandmother, had a very different idea of “good ole’ days” than you as she would probably have remembered not having central heating or possibly even indoor plumbing.

The result of multiple perspectives is that there is no way to come to a complete consensus on what authentic cuisine really is. We may be able to agree on certain aspects, but there is and never will be a scientific definition for the term.

All that to say: Authenticity is complicated!

Authenticity as resistance to change

How many times in your life have you been told to “be yourself”? Have you ever figured out exactly what that means?

I spend a lot of time meditating on who I am. It seems to be a natural thing, and I do think it is a productive exercise. In this vein, we develop core values to which we attempt to stay true. We use these values to filter and measure new ideas and experiences.

However, rigidly defining ourselves and not developing is a byproduct of individualism that can get us stuck and keep us from achieving our goals. Questions of “who you are” should be properly balanced with questions of “who you want to be”. This is a good example of a concept that can be explored within the prospective of the yin-yang relationship as their is a constant pull between the two perspectives in your mind whether or not your are aware of it.

Sincerity as a tool for progress

Adam Grant argues that Sincerity is actually more important than Authenticity when it comes to how we approach the world and effect change within it. In his article for The New York Times he actually advocates that “be yourself” can actually be bad advice.

“Be yourself” certainly doesn’t present a clear and fully developed strategy for achieving goals.

Becoming who you want to be is more important than being yourself

How we remember what we have experienced in our lives is what shapes our view of ourselves, but future opportunities are also shaped by how other people see us and the attitude that we present. This is where the sincerity that Adam Grant recognizes is so important. The conviction with which we present ourselves and our ideas to others is one of the main factors that causes them to be sticky.

Becoming someone new is not always comfy

If your current context requires something different, dismiss who you’ve been in the past. Allow yourself to evolve. Quit putting yourself in a box.  — Benjamin Hardy

Benjamin Hardy reminds us of the Shakespearean truism that we are all actors. Most of the time, we aren’t very comfortable with this idea because we are told so often that we need to be who we are instead of “pretending” to be someone else.

Becoming a better version of yourself lends itself to unfamiliarity which brings along its sidekick FUD (fear, anxiety and doubt).

One of the first pieces of business advice I received as a young professional was the overused adage of “fake it till you make it”. Of course, this is just a cliche’ and nothing more, until you witness someone we can master the art of instilling confidence and respect without having a full intellectual grasp of a situation. This guy could do that and I went forward in my career impressed with the value of perception and how it can propel you into new and often intimidating territory.

Commit to action

If you don’t already do some form of writing that involves meditation and reflection I encourage you do start doing so. It is a key component in helping you understand where you are and where you want to be.

If you are already doing this, try making a handful size list of things that you currently see define you (good, bad or indifferent). Next, reflect on the list and specifically on how each of those things relate to your overall goals and objectives.

There will likely be conflicts between the two sets of perceptions. Hopefully you can see and understand that you have weakness that you want to be strengths and you have habits and prejudices that keep you from accomplishing your goals. This healthy understanding is the beginning of change.

Fortunately, nothing about the way you see yourself is immutable.

Everything that you think and you feel about yourself came about through time and experience and all of those things continue to evolve as you move forward.

Do you want this evolution to be a web of complexity built on your previous conceptions or for it to continually break into new opportunities including new perspectives and challenges?

Appreciating the small joys in life allows you to build a better outlook and improve the way in which you respond to challenges.

Important work in positive psychology suggests that happiness in life comes from the frequency, not the intensity, of positive versus negative emotional experiences

— Alison Wood Brooks (Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement)

The more frequent we experience positive feelings. The happier we are.

5 small things to appreciate and improve yourself and others in the process:

1. Not finding a perfect parking space

If you are like me, you a programmed to locate the ideal parking space every time you arrive in you destination. I map out a plan of action in my head to determine which isle to start and which direction to go to find the closet spot possible that accounts for other factors such ease of exit and proximity to a cart return.

Specifically, I have a system with the home improvement store that accounts for the fact that most people unequally attribute weight to their proximity to the entrance more that that of the exit therefore leaving more spaces available nearer to the exit.

OK, maybe you aren’t as crazy as I am, but the important thing is that even not finding the perfect space is not the end of the world. 16 more steps coming an going to our destination is not going to lead to an untimely death.

Those 16 steps give us an opportunity to enjoy being outside, appreciate the day and escape our over-optimized modern life for a few seconds.

2. Throwing a pen into a cup

One of the things I like to do entertain myself frequently is tossing my pens back into their cup sitting on my desk. Recently, I upgraded by cup to a $9 bamboo pen holder, but the game remains the same.

The chances are probably 1/10 that a actually get the pen to land in is proper home from a couple feet away, but when I do it’s the tits.

I’m not saying that I strategically designed this little game to improve my outlook in life, but it does inadvertently give me the opportunity to appreciate that sometimes things work out they way I plan.

3. The crispy part of the chicken

Clearly, I am an omnivore.

Properly salting and pan frying skin-on chicken produces one of the most exhilarating experiences the culinary world has to offer.

The one bite that includes the caramelized skin is simply euphoric.

Everyone has their food obsessions. Don’t forget to appreciate the moment.

4. Fixing something

I grew up in a household with no handyman. Sorry dad. As I grew up I realized that, while I am certainly no skilled craftsman I can, with the right know-how and little effort, make improvements to the world.

Google is a powerful tool. If you have an appliance that is broken spend 10 minutes looking it up and you will probably find that it isn’t that hard to fix it.

Sure, you are probably going to spend $10 on a 30 cent part and pay $5.95 to ship it, but what is that worth when the alternative is finding someone to help you out or paying someone a whole lot more than $15.95.

Plus, it feels great to fix something.

5. Sharing a meal with someone you care about

No one is going to deny that spending time important people we love is one of the greatest things out there, but how often do we over-schedule and over-optimize our lives that we forget to spend time with the people that we love.

The more things we categorize and recognize as “good”, the happier we are.

Life is a wonderful thing. Well, life is what you make of it.

I think that it should be a wonderful thing so I am choose to make a conscious effort to see all of life with a positive prospective.

Sure, that sounds like the most cliche’ set of statements that have ever been written, but it is true. A positive attitude is contagious and it doesn’t take a doctorate in neuroscience to prove it.

Experiment #1: make a conscious effort to smile at everyone you make eye contact with for 12 hours and you will realize indefinitely how immediately and unconsciously people respond to your actions.

If we want our lives to be more enjoyable — if we want to be happy and spread that joy to those around us — we need to make an effort to refine our behavior and actions to demonstrate these same qualities.

The Art to Enjoying Life is choosing to see all the good that is around us and appreciate every part of the experience.

Happiness is not about a perfectly orchestrated set of events that conspire to shape your life in a euphoric manner. It is having the cognitive training to respond to all events in your life with a purposefully positive approach.